Harry Potter and the Cantankerous Grandiloquence
by The Coy Koi
Summary: Harry is getting fed up with Severus' grammar obsession.


**AN: Hello, everyone! I'd just like to say that I've been wanting to write this for a while… I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**A special thanks to my beta, Tonks-is-Cool. She's the one who came up with the awesome title, as my muse decided to go on vacation when I tried to think of one. **

**Also, as a note to my readers of **_**Affection Deception**_**, I can't publish a chapter this week. Sorry. There are more details on my profile, if you'd like a bit more of an explanation. I just hope that this tides you over. **

**X~X~X~X~X~X**

Harry Potter was just finishing spelling some dishes clean when his lover of seven years, Severus Snape, swept into the kitchen, setting down a brown paper bag on the counter with a flourish. He did not seem to be in the best of moods, as evidenced by the scowl upon his angular features and the violently swift movement of his steps. Harry frowned.

"What's wrong, Sev?" he inquired delicately. Severus could be very easily set off when in such a volatile mood.

"Nothing," Severus snapped back, not convincing Harry in the least. The man brushed some of his stringy hair behind his ears in irritation, and his sneer grew more pronounced as it simply fell back into its original position. Harry began to get worried.

"You and I both know that that's not true, Severus."

His lover was stubbornly silent.

"Oh, come on, you can tell _me _about it. It'll make you feel better," Harry tried.

Still, Severus gave no response.

"Please, Sev? I don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of the day." This last attempt, it seemed, was the key. Severus sighed and gritted out,

"I simply had some difficulty obtaining a certain potion ingredient." His expression suggested that this was a severe understatement. Harry decided to pretend that he took it at face value for now, and see if he could get the man to divulge any other details.

"What ingredient?"

Severus paused a moment, seeming to gauge his intentions, then responded with caution.

"Occamy eggshells."

Harry had absolutely no idea what an Occamy was, but could only assume that it was a magical creature of some kind. Perhaps it was some sort of lizard. He continued anyway.

"What was the problem? Did the apothecary just have less than you needed?"

This caused Severus to stiffen and glare at Harry.

"Fewer."

"What?" Harry responded, perplexed at Severus' reaction to his harmless inquiry.

"The word 'less' is grammatically incorrect in that context. You should replace it with 'fewer,'" Severus bit out. Any measure of calm he might have acquired since arriving home was now clearly gone. Harry, for his part, really couldn't see why his word choice mattered.

"Er, alright. Anyways, is that what happened?"

Severus snorted.

"Hardly. The establishment had none at all."

"Oh," Harry responded, confused. Severus had obviously obtained the eggshells, as evidenced by the bag he had brought. "Who did you get them from, then?"

Severus suddenly appeared twice as infuriated as he had been just a moment prior.

"Whom."

"Sorry?" Harry replied, confused once more.

"You should have said 'whom' in the context you used." Severus said in his most scathing tone of voice. Harry realized that this was another petty grammar thing, and became slightly irritated.

"Look, I think that my word choice is of -er- fewer importance than the meani-"

"Less importance, Potter! Dammit, it's of less importance!" Severus broke in furiously.

"But you just said-"

"That was in a completely different context! In this context the correct word to use is 'less'!" the potions master yelled.

Harry was quite frustrated with Severus, at that point. He was trying to help him, for Merlin's sake! Who gave a shit if he used proper grammar or not?

"Look," Harry started indignantly, "I don't see why it matters, as long as you can understand what I mean. It's the meaning that's important, not the words surrounding it." He stared Severus directly in the eye relentlessly. Severus sneered vehemently.

"You don't see why grammar matters, Potter? You think that only the meaning is important? Let me enlighten you on the subject," Severus began condescendingly. Harry could feel his fury mounting already.

"You may think that you are merely conveying one message. You may even be reasonably certain that that message is clear. However," here Severus glared at Harry, "if you do not speak using proper grammar, you also convey another message: that you are uneducated, if not plain idiotic." Harry could feel his face heat up in anger at the words.

"Maybe I don't care! Maybe I just don't want to seem like a pompous prick!" He snarled back.

"Consider this, then, Potter," the other man hissed, "just what would your careless use of improper grammar say about your educators? What would that say, perhaps, about your lover? What, Merlin forbid, would that say about a man that has been both your educator and your lover?" He had stepped closer to Harry as he spoke and the two men were nose-to-nose now, though they would not be yet if it weren't for Severus' abnormally-large one. Severus' obsidian eyes burned two holes through Harry's own.

"I should have known you'd make this about you," Harry muttered darkly. Severus' eyes widened, and the man recoiled and turned away. There was a moment of tense silence.

"Okay," Harry hesitantly began once more, "Let's just forget this whole grammar thing. Just tell me what happened." Harry awkwardly began to shift from foot to foot.

Severus turned to face Harry again, his expression strangely blank.

"It doesn't particularly matter. I got the Occamy eggshells."

Harry nodded nervously. "Well, I'm glad you do then."

Snape's features suddenly twisted into the most outraged face they had formed yet.

_"Potter!"_

Alarmed, Harry took a step back. "What? What did I do this time?"

"You dare to inflict your horrid grammar directly upon me?" The bony man was livid, and leaned in so close to Harry that he could feel the man's hot, humid breath upon his face.

"'You said I'm glad you do' instead of 'I'm glad you did' as though I had incorrectly used the word 'got' to mean 'have' instead of 'obtained!"

Harry was confused and frustrated, and he felt as though he were about to go deaf from his lover's ranting.

"So what?" Harry spat, "What does it even matter? It's just me!"

Severus stared at him in disbelief, then took a few panting breaths, presumably trying to regain his composure.

"So what?" Severus repeated slowly, "So what? Do you have no concept of grammar whatsoever?" he asked Harry, but spoke again before Harry could respond, "Do you have no idea of the difference between 'swang' and 'swung'?' Amongst' and 'among'? 'Lying' as opposed to 'getting laid'?" he jeered mockingly.

"I get that last one alright," Harry spat.

"Oh?" Snape replied skeptically.

"Yeah," Harry snarled, "the latter isn't going to be happening to you in a while."

With that, Harry left the room as well as a rather flabbergasted Severus.

**X~X~X~X~X~X**

**AN: I just had to give Harry a final hurrah. :) So, whose side do you take on the grammar issue, Severus or Harry? I personally have a hard time choosing-I do adore grammar, but at the same time, grammar does have a lot of little rules that are essentially pointless. **


End file.
